Harry Dresden, meet the Twilight characters

The author's comments: If you've read The Dresden Files, this will make you laugh. If you dislike Twilight, this make you laugh. If you just want something stupid to laugh at, this works also. I slammed to the hard floor with an ungrateful thud. I closed the portal with a quick extension of my will and instantly recognized the architecture. Queen Mab’s place, where the Faerie queen of winter ruled, AKA Arctis Tor. Time to start what I do best lately: blowing stuff up. Of course, it is only half-way through the typical combat that I realized I’d miscalculated. This was not the Nevernever, where the spirits ran and the faeries lived. This was a church or something, and these people were not Mab’s creatures or even faerie, though they resisted most my magic but for the fire stuff. “Aw, man,” I groaned. Murphy, my five-foot-and-some-change tall policewoman sidekick (hey, I can have sidekicks too! I’m the only professional wizard in the phone book, remember!) glanced at me but continued to fight her opponent, a little brunette exactly her size. “Stop, stop, everybody stop. I got the wrong place. This isn’t Arctis Tor after all,” I shouted. Murphy raised an eyebrow, stopping her fight. Our rivals stopped too. “No, of course not. This is Volterra. They are the Volturi and we are the Cullens,” said the creepy short one Murphy’d been fighting. “Aw, come on! This is no where near the Nevernever… I’m gonna kill Bob one day, really…” I muttered, mentally cursing at Bob, my immortal knowledge spirit who helped out with spell-writing. “Sorry, guys. Wrong place. I am really sorry, you can file a complaint with the White Council, I’m Warden Harry Dresden. I really didn’t mean to massacre your friends, truly sorry… Hey, is this Volterra, Italy? Is that little restaurant open up the street? Oh, never mind. Really sorry, guys,” I said loudly. I stepped aside to form another portal, accidentally stepping on the dead body of a teenaged girl. Ouch. My Council record after this: not so great. “After him!” screeched one of the pale people. “We are the Volturi, the vampire royalty!” I squinted really hard at them. “Nah, you’re not vampires.” “Dresden, this is not the time…” muttered Murphy. “Sorry again, wannabes, just, ah, inform whatever vampire Court you belong to that this was an accident!” I shouted, opening the portal again.



JEN MIERISCH: Chicago Shall Rise Again

Tomlinson raged to his feet, scattering the table and playing cards. “Cheater!” he hollered at O’Leary. “Go home, Tomlinson, you’re drunk!” As Tomlinson stumbled toward the barn door, his boot knocked over the lantern. For three days, Chicago burned. Tomlinson blamed it on O’Leary’s cow. Nobody alive could contradict him. Jen Mierisch draws inspiration from … Continue reading JEN MIERISCH: Chicago Shall Rise Again →

HENRY BLADON: Being Judged

He says, tell me what you see. What should I say? A handsome pig? A rabbit? I see a mix of Miro and Dali, but I can’t say that. If he thinks I’m showing off, that defeats the object, because I came here to understand my fear of being judged. Henry Bladon is a writer … Continue reading HENRY BLADON: Being Judged →

JUDY DeCROCE: Lily

Lily sits on a park bench. Pigeons know her. They cluster… fight… peck. The children recognize her too: the one who feeds the pigeons. Lily giggles, opens her purse, sets it on the ground. “She’s crazy,” the children taunt. Pigeons though, coo, bob… fly into her purse filled with sky. Judy DeCroce is a poet … Continue reading JUDY DeCROCE: Lily →

JENNIFER KENNETT: Into the Sand

Her heavy legs had stood and waited. Her aching arms had pushed through the crowds. A salty tear rolled down onto her tattered jacket as she watched the doors of salvation thud closed. The city was full. Now she had nothing left to do but head back into the sand. After graduating university with a … Continue reading JENNIFER KENNETT: Into the Sand →

STORY OF THE WEEK: July 14

The story of the week for July 8 to 12 is… After the Water by Evan McMurry