Harry Dresden, meet the Twilight characters

The author's comments: If you've read The Dresden Files, this will make you laugh. If you dislike Twilight, this make you laugh. If you just want something stupid to laugh at, this works also. I slammed to the hard floor with an ungrateful thud. I closed the portal with a quick extension of my will and instantly recognized the architecture. Queen Mab’s place, where the Faerie queen of winter ruled, AKA Arctis Tor. Time to start what I do best lately: blowing stuff up. Of course, it is only half-way through the typical combat that I realized I’d miscalculated. This was not the Nevernever, where the spirits ran and the faeries lived. This was a church or something, and these people were not Mab’s creatures or even faerie, though they resisted most my magic but for the fire stuff. “Aw, man,” I groaned. Murphy, my five-foot-and-some-change tall policewoman sidekick (hey, I can have sidekicks too! I’m the only professional wizard in the phone book, remember!) glanced at me but continued to fight her opponent, a little brunette exactly her size. “Stop, stop, everybody stop. I got the wrong place. This isn’t Arctis Tor after all,” I shouted. Murphy raised an eyebrow, stopping her fight. Our rivals stopped too. “No, of course not. This is Volterra. They are the Volturi and we are the Cullens,” said the creepy short one Murphy’d been fighting. “Aw, come on! This is no where near the Nevernever… I’m gonna kill Bob one day, really…” I muttered, mentally cursing at Bob, my immortal knowledge spirit who helped out with spell-writing. “Sorry, guys. Wrong place. I am really sorry, you can file a complaint with the White Council, I’m Warden Harry Dresden. I really didn’t mean to massacre your friends, truly sorry… Hey, is this Volterra, Italy? Is that little restaurant open up the street? Oh, never mind. Really sorry, guys,” I said loudly. I stepped aside to form another portal, accidentally stepping on the dead body of a teenaged girl. Ouch. My Council record after this: not so great. “After him!” screeched one of the pale people. “We are the Volturi, the vampire royalty!” I squinted really hard at them. “Nah, you’re not vampires.” “Dresden, this is not the time…” muttered Murphy. “Sorry again, wannabes, just, ah, inform whatever vampire Court you belong to that this was an accident!” I shouted, opening the portal again.



JOSHUA BENITEZ: Shower Thoughts

Someone once told me a hot shower is like a mother’s womb. Perhaps because you feel safe being vulnerable. I wonder if I ever cried in my mother’s womb. I like crying in the shower. It’s the solidarity I get knowing that something else can pour as much as me. Joshua Benitez believes the best … Continue reading JOSHUA BENITEZ: Shower Thoughts →

ROBERTA BEACH JACOBSON: Iowa Poets

Under the stars, Iowa poets dance from stanza to stanza, barnyard to barnyard all across the state Have you not noticed them? Let’s celebrate with the poets of Iowa and sip herbal tea together in cornfields as we share our secrets in verse by the light of the harvest moon Roberta Beach Jacobson admits to … Continue reading ROBERTA BEACH JACOBSON: Iowa Poets →

STORY OF THE WEEK: November 10

The story of the week for November 4 to 8 is… Rain Dance by Raymond Sloan

STORY OF THE MONTH: October 2019

The Story of the Month is chosen from the Story of the Week winners announced from the past month. The finalists for October were: Mother Always Asked Uncle Bart to Babysit by C. Christine Fair No Returns, Exchanges, or Substitutions by Maria Cargille The Macy’s Mummy by Graham Robert Scott Like a Crow by Louella … Continue reading STORY OF THE MONTH: October 2019 →

SUSAN GALE WICKES: The Meaning of Life

We form a club, pondering the mysteries of life. Every Tuesday night at 7 PM. We read books, attend conferences, question friends. The bottom line is, we simply cannot concur on what we’re doing here. We are, however, in agreement on one thing. There must be pizza at every meeting. Susan Gale Wickes is a … Continue reading SUSAN GALE WICKES: The Meaning of Life →